“Bitterness Is A Self Made Prison”
by Ana Adler | Original Blog Post: August 5, 2016
I open my old prayer journals from time to time to see where I was and compare to where I am today. It amazes me how much patience and love God has had with me throughout the years!
I had such a deep and entangled bitter root in my heart for so many years of my life! I struggle with the “forgiveness” thing. You know, the holding a grudge and nursing it for days, weeks and sometimes months? Yeah, that one!
This is what I have discovered… bitterness is a self made prison. You put yourself in there by choice because you can ‘t or won’t let it go. I struggle with the “feeling it” part of the forgiveness. I want to and I choose to forgive, but I don’t necessarily feel “it”. And then that feeling brings me back to the anger and the rehearsing of the “offense”in my mind and I get myself all worked up and I act in ways that are not Christlike.
The person that chooses to remain angry and offended, a la me, is literally putting themselves back in the jail cell. Why do we do that? I am learning slowly but surely how to FREE myself from this self made prison. I hate it there! I want to hate it each time even more when I allow myself to go there. I love to be FREE and full of the Holy Spirit.
I want God to remind me of how much I break his heart when I choose not to let go and forgive. My prayers are that He will break my heart for what breaks His heart. Change me Lord! Give me a backbone so that I am not offended as easily and a willing spirit to please you and glorify you. Remove the prideful ways in me that feel that I don’t deserve “that”. Thank you for being so patient with me God.
Until next blog, I pray you will be blessed with setting yourself free!