We live in a culture where it’s easy—almost expected—to deflect blame. “I wouldn’t have said that if you hadn’t provoked me.” “I messed up, but it wasn’t all my fault.” Even our apologies often come with a built-in defense: “I’m sorry, but…” We soften the blow of guilt with justification, comparison, or blame. But the Bible calls us to something different—something more honest, more freeing, and far more powerful: confession, repentance, reconcile.

The Trap of “But”

One small word—but—can be the biggest obstacle between us and spiritual growth. It takes the weight off our shoulders and places it elsewhere: on someone else’s behavior, the circumstances, or even God. It’s subtle, but dangerous. When we deflect, we delay healing. When we justify, we short-circuit the grace of God that flows through humility.

Deflection keeps us stuck. Ownership sets us free.

Biblical Examples: Excuses vs. Ownership

Adam and Eve – The Original Deflectors

In Genesis 3:12-13, after Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, God confronts them. What was Adam’s response?

“The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”
Then Eve passes the blame along:
“The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
Not much has changed since the garden, has it? Blame has been our default since the fall!

King Saul – A Lesson in Partial Obedience

In 1 Samuel 15, Saul disobeys God’s command but insists he followed it.

“I did obey the Lord,” he says—but then he explains why he kept the best livestock.
Samuel confronts him sharply:
“To obey is better than sacrifice… Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He has rejected you as king” (vv. 22-23).
Saul’s inability to own his mistake cost him everything.

David – A Model of Honest Confession

Contrast that with David in Psalm 51. After his sexual sin with Bathsheba is exposed, he doesn’t say, “She shouldn’t have been bathing there,” or “I was under pressure.”

He simply prays:

“Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight” (Psalm 51:4).
No excuses. No blame. No justification. No but's. Just confession. And that’s why David is called a man after God’s own heart.

God Honors Honesty

God doesn’t expect perfection, but He does desire honesty. Scripture is clear:

• Proverbs 28:13 – “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”

• 1 John 1:9 – “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

• James 5:16 – “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”

When we stop hiding behind but, we step into healing.

The Freedom of Responsibility

Taking full responsibility isn’t easy. It requires humility and maturity. It means swallowing our pride, being specific about our wrong doing and admitting we were wrong, and resisting the urge to explain away our actions. But it’s worth it. When we own our stuff, we grow. When we confess, we invite God’s grace to do what justification never can—transform us from the inside out.

Excuses may protect our ego, but confession sets our soul free.

Practical Steps Toward Ownership

1. Catch the "but" – Pay attention to how often you follow an apology with an excuse. Stop and rephrase.

2. Name the sin – Be specific. Don’t soften it. Call it what it is.

3. Confess to God – In prayer, own your actions without pointing fingers.

4. Confess to others – When needed, confess to the person you’ve wronged or a trusted believer who can pray with you.

5. Ask for growth – Invite the Holy Spirit to shape your heart and help you respond differently next time.

Conclusion: Choose Confession Over Deflection

It’s time to drop the excuses. Stop deflecting. Own what’s yours. God isn’t waiting for your perfection—He’s waiting for your honesty. True confession leads to mercy, healing, and a closer walk with Him.

So next time you're tempted to say, “I’m sorry, but...”—stop. Remove the but. Just say, “I’m sorry. I was wrong for...”
Then watch how God meets you in that moment with grace and growth.